Our Power Ballad

Every night, I carve out a little time to sing a lullaby to EJ. On nights like tonight, when I am overwhelmed with the sheer amount of work I have remaining on my capstone (i.e., thesis) project and the ever-nearing deadline, I think that lullaby time does more to calm and fortify me than it does my daughter. This has been especially true this week, as EJ has begun to sing back to me the lullaby that I made up for her when she was just an infant.

Singing lullabies to my child is something I do because I love it, but it is also something I advocate at my job. Music Together teachers receive an incredible amount of music development training from the national "mothership" (as my employer calls it), and part of our mission is to pass this information on to parents during class without turning the class into a talkfest. One of the primary things we share is that a parent's voice is the most important one in a child's life---kids don't come to music class to hear the teacher sing, they come to model their moms, dads, and caregivers. For those parents that aren't in the habit of spontaneously singing with their kid while making lunch or waiting in a bank line (yes, I have done those things, among others), lullabies are often the best way to begin incorporating music-making into daily life. To this end, Music Together includes at least two lullabies into every song collection, and a lullaby is sung in class each week.

If I sound like an apologist for this program, I happily admit that I am. Not only do I love the research underpinnings and the pedagogic wisdom behind it, the fun that I have teaching, and the joy I see in my daughter as she participates, but I really think that getting involved in a Music Together class was instrumental in helping me break free of the deep melancholy that I felt after I had EJ. Struggling to nurse while recovering from the scary, painful birth would have been enough to depress anyone. Add to this the fact that I was living in a fourth-story walk-up with a newborn in a snow-locked city I'd only moved to a year prior, and it made perfect sense that I felt disconnected to the world, and more unfortunately, to my baby. Once I attended Music Together, though, I found my bridge back---almost instantly, I knew that I could reach the child in my arms, care for her, teach her, and learn about her while sharing myself in the process. It was a miracle wrapped in a songbook.

During those same early months, when I was sleep deprived and getting up several times a night to try to nurse, then bottle-feed, then pump (while either handing EJ off to Mike or trying to calm her), then rock her to sleep, I started to make up a lullaby for her. It was never something I set out to do, it just happened organically as we rocked, and I struggled to stay awake to soothe her. It wasn't until a few days of singing that I realized where I had stolen the melody---"Hello, Dolly." It is an unlikely source for a sleepy song, but sung slowly and softly, it did the job.

As EJ has gotten older and has learned more lullabies, she requests a variety, and sometimes her original song falls out of fashion. She always comes back to it, though, and when she does, she requests, "My Song," or "The EJ Lullaby." Recently, she has begun to sing it back to me, and knows almost the whole song by heart. Today, as we walked home from school, she broke out into it spontaneously.

I have to say, every time I hear it, my heart warms. I remember those first few months of parenting as a relatively dark time---a time when I didn't have any confidence that I could take care of my daughter, much less ever share moments together that were joyful or peaceful. Our midnight song broke through, though---it broke through all that worry and sadness and hooked my child and I together, and now that there is joy and there is peace, there is also the special thrill of knowing that, even then, we connected.

Here are the words to her song. It won't win a Grammy, but it is sweet and heartfelt. For those who know EJ's "real" name, please imagine it where "EJ" is inserted, and you'll get the full sense of it. And for my folks, when you read this---thanks for all the songs you shared with me, too. I haven't forgotten them.

The EJ Lullaby
Sung to the tune of "Hello, Dolly"

Goodnight, EJ
Oh, goodnight, EJ
It's so nice to know that you will get some rest.
Your eyes are red, EJ
Time for bed, EJ
With a little bit of shut-eye you will feel your best.
You're doing swell, EJ
I can tell, EJ
That sweet dreams will be floating through your head.
Oh, say goodnight, EJ
And then sleep tight, EJ.
EJ, you know we love you
There is nothing we won't do
For you to get a good night's rest.