Dry Run-Away

On behalf of all the mommies and daddies and grandparents and caregivers out there---all those folks who love and watch over little children and enjoy taking them out and about to child-friendly destinations---I make the following appeal to the decision makers at said places:

Stop Installing Earth-Saving, BUT CHILD-TERRIFYING, Hand Dryers in Your Restrooms

It feels like every season, the restrooms at yet another of our favorite places is refurbished into what my daughter would call, through her sobs and her wailing and her tugging away trying to run away as fast as she can, "a very, scary, too-loud bathroom."

Yes, I've read the wall signs that describe how we are reducing paper waste and saving energy by sticking our hands into your hand dryer that a) is never placed, shaped, or configured in a way that is convenient for a small child to use and b) makes a jet engine sound soft (case in point: my daughter is not afraid of the sound of jet engines), and finally, c) will not allow the user to cover their ears to avoid being deafened because they have to stick those hands into this crazy, loud machine. No, I don't want the earth depleted of its natural resources, and I bet that once my kid gets a little older, she won't either. Unfortunately, environmental guilt will not comfort my child as she is shaking like a leaf---a leaf we are NOT saving---and too terrified to use the bathroom.

Adult offices, knock yourself out. Install hand dryers that require those noise-reducing headsets that folks on the tarmac use while guiding in planes. But at the aquarium? The grocery store? The park? The movie theater? Really, cut us a small break.

Now, I will concede, EJ has always been afraid of loud noises, and she isn't keen on the regular, quieter hand dryers either. Her first question when we go somewhere new is, "Do the bathrooms here have dryers, or quiet paper towels?" She may be more sensitive than most, I grant you. But when I am 30 feet from the door of a bathroom at a child-centered venue, and I can hear the dryers screaming and whooshing from there, I'll tell you what else I notice---small huddles comprised of reluctant, terrified children and exasperated, cajoling parents in a struggle to see if the kiddos can make it into the restroom, past the evil dryers, and to a stall before an inevitable accident occurs.

I have had folks say, "Well, kids have to get used to scary things, to work through their fears, to face what is difficult, blah blah blah..." Yep, that is true. We do a lot of that. But I think that I can safely say, and many other parents will agree, that there is a difference between a worry or anxiety that you can help a child to work through by "toughing it out," and something that invokes terror in a child. I'm talking about terror, no exaggeration necessary. I don't think it is my job, as EJ's mom, to do terror-aversion therapy in a public bathroom, but I am given no choice when she has gone hours and hours without a bathroom break. It is just awful for all of us.

I believe even Mother Earth, who we are trying to save, thinks that these dryers are ridiculous.

So for those places out there who cater to children and are considering this change, I beg you, please think it through. You really don't want kids to remember your venue as the place with "cool exhibits, tantrum-inducing bathrooms." You REALLY don't want parents to think that, either. Trust me.

And for those that have already installed them, let me say this: don't expect us to stay more than two hours, and don't expect us to pay an admission that might be reasonable for a longer stay, but makes two hours seem like a complete waste. Sorry about that. Earth saved, admission price, not so much.

Now, don't even get me started on the automatic sinks and soap dispensers...