Prelaunch Countdown

Today, as I type, my hands are stinging a bit from detergent, and I can hear the hum of the washing machine in the room next to me. I just put all the navy parts (i.e., jumpers, pants, shorts, skirts, gym clothes) of EJ's school uniform into their first wash cycle, and I'm going over a checklist once again of everything I need to have ready for the kiddo next Tuesday when she begins kindergarten.

There are the forms: doctor/immunization, eye appointment, dental exam. The first two were easy enough to get done once I could get appointments on the books, while yesterday's dental exam ended with a sobbing child, an empathetic hygienist, and a gruff pediatric dentist schooling me on how bossy my kid is, telling me that six months of kindergarten will do her some good so she learns to do what she is told. Sigh. Yeah, she has a five-year old bossy streak, that is true, and I'm sure that adjusting to school will be a great thing in helping her to mature. All that said, what a scummy moment that was in the office, child looking on, dentist chastising us both. What eased the blow a little bit was the hygienist's lovely comment to me after the doc left, "I think she was just scared, and I have to say, I just loved her, because even when she was crying and yelling, she used manners: 'Please stop," and 'No thank you, I don't want the x-ray." Hopefully those manners will be a gift to her in kindergarten, too.

Then there are the supplies: Pencils need to be sharpened, and heaps and heaps of requests from the school so that we can restock the kindergarten room are piled in bags in the dining room. I have no clue what things are just for EJ (I'm guessing the notebooks and folders?) and what are for everyone (must be the multiple boxes of crayons, markers, and 20 glue sticks---I'm quite certain my kid can find many uses for 20 glue sticks, but I'm not sure that it would be a wise idea to give her that challenge).

There's the uniform to have ready: I've cleaned out the bottom drawer of her dresser, and all uniform items will go there, so EJ can dress herself every morning. Fingers crossed.

The girl has to eat (within a 20-minute lunch period, of course), so there are lunch supplies to prep and buy, since we will be out of town this weekend. She is going to a no-nut, no-candy, no-sweet treat/junk food school, which I absolutely love. I didn't notice until recently, however, how many nuts (and occasional sweeteners) we have floating around this place. I might set aside a place in our pantry just for EJ's school food, much like the dresser for her uniforms in her room.

Once everything is sorted, there is the labeling: clothes, backpack, shoes, lunch materials, etc.

Finally there are the procedures to learn and dates to remember: the drop-off zone, the pick-up area at the branch where she will receive some after-school extracurriculars (the kindergarteners are housed in their own school about a mile from the main school due to overcrowding), etc. Orientation is tomorrow, and then there's an open-house next week, but of course, I'd like to be there after school on Tuesday to make sure she makes it on the bus to the other school building, and also gets transferred from the after care to the on-site Irish dancing class that she may (or may not) be signed up to take (because I can only get the flimsiest of responses from the Irish dancing school and DON'T THEY KNOW this is MY BABY'S FIRST DAY and I NEED SOME ASSURANCE OF THE SCHEDULE because I AM HER MOM AND AM FREAKING OUT?)

Clearly, more than anything I need to get done, I really just need to breathe...breathe...breathe...

I didn't anticipate being this overwhelmed, not just logistically, but emotionally, by the start of kindergarten. While all of the above items distract me ("We haven't sharpened all 70 pencils yet!!), I realize that the things that I can't control are really making me crazy. Will she be afraid of the hand dryers in the bathroom, not use it when she needs to, and then have an accident (causing her to cry or be teased?) Will she like the after-school program, or will it be too long of a day? Will she get along with her teacher? Her new friends? Her environment in general? Will she be more mannered than bossy, more kind than particular, more loving and enthusiastic than sensitive and dramatic? I love all of her, even the rough edges, and this prelaunch countdown of boxes to check and things to consider is making me more and more aware that I WILL NOT BE THERE TO SHOWER THIS LOVE ON HER ONCE I GET IN MY CAR AND DRIVE AWAY ON TUESDAY, at least for a few hours.

I didn't really fret when she was a baby and we left her with a relative or a sitter. I just didn't. Because of our tough birth and recovery together, some of the natural attachment magic that seems to happen for mommies didn't take hold in me to the same degree, and those deep pangs of "I need to get back to my baby," or "I'm missing all her smiles/hugs/snuggles/cute moments" that so many moms have just didn't overtake me.

As she got older, and her extraversion really began to show, I worried even less: she was the kind of the kid that arrived at babysitting co-ops and preschool with a giant smile on her face, and never even looked back when I would say goodbye, simply launching an "I love you!" over her shoulder and getting about the business of play with her friends.

But now, as the beginning of her real school career has a date and a time and a location so close that they feel on top of us, I find myself hoping and praying that this job that I have done for the past five years---this time spent investing in this lovely, little person---will be sufficient, and my girl will love school the way that her daddy and I always did.

The swishing sound has ended---time to start the whites.